Sebastian's Bad Hair Day
by mudafish
Summary: Sebastian is having a bad hair day. Warning: complete and utter CRACK.


I have an unhealthy love for Kuroshitsuji crack. Me and my sister were talking about what would happen if Sebastian had a bad hair day and so this came out. Sometimes strange things happen when you put me in front of a computer late at night.

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_ Beep._

_ Beep._

_ Beep. Beep._

_ BeepBeepBeepBeep..._

Sebastian shifted in his bed, groaning slightly as his alarm clock continued to annoyingly beep at an increasingly faster rate. He quickly deemed it impossible to go back to bed with the infertile high-pitched noise the alarm clock was producing, so he reluctantly tossed the covers aside and crawled out of bed. He smashed the loud clock with his fist in annoyance. It was crushed under his hand, giving one last demented squeak before falling silent and shattering everywhere. He sighed with relief when the room became silent again.

Normally, demons like him did not sleep. However, the servants had tried to make pizza in the middle of the night when Ciel had suddenly firmly demanded it, leaving no room for questions. Why Ciel wanted pizza at one in the morning was a mystery to the servants, but they carried out his order anyway (well, attempted to). They had knocked over every bag of flour, cracked and spilled every jar of sauce on the floor, and somehow melted cheese onto the ceiling. Not to mention catching the oven on fire. Sebastian marveled at how on earth they got cheese all over the ceiling, but decided he didn't really want to know. After harshly reprimanding them, he sent them to bed and stood alone in the kitchen, staring at the mess waiting to be cleaned.

It took him three hours of strenuous labor, but when he was done, the kitchen had returned back to it's sparkling cleanliness. He wiped his forehead (even though he wasn't sweating) and sighed, giving the kitchen a once-over and nodding in approval at his work. He was about to bust out one of his infamous lines such as, "What would I do as a servant of Phantomhive if I couldn't even do this?" or "I'm just one hell of a butler" but when he noted no one was there to witness his dramatic catchphrases/pickup lines he remained silent.

When he arrived at his sleeping quarters, he felt utterly exhausted and decided to sleep for once in his life. Even if it was only for a few hours, he wanted to catch some shut eye before facing yet another day of cleaning up others' chaos. So he slept. And then woke up because of his alarm clock, which brings us back to now.

Sebastian quickly removed his sleeping clothes and donned his butler gear. He opened his drawer and stuffed some forks and knives into his pockets just incase. He glanced at the untouched pile of spoons before closing the drawer again. He sprayed some of his demon cologne and tugged on his jacket before leaving the room. He didn't bother checking in the mirror because he knew he was perfect as usual.

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The butler stood in front of his master's door, carefully knocking twice before calling out for permission to enter. Oh, how he hated to ask to be allowed to enter a room. He was too sexy to ask. He should just enter whenever the hell he wanted to. He was _Sebastian._

When said permission was granted, he entered the room pushing his tea cart before him.

"Good morning Young Master. Here, let me open the blinds for you. Today's blend of tea is Earl Grey with milk and blueberry sco–"

"Sebastian! What the hell is wrong with your head!" Ciel looked at him, utterly horrified.

Sebastian stared at him blankly before moving a hand up to his head to try to figure out "what the hell was wrong with it". He froze when he felt his hair sticking up awkwardly in unnatural directions.

"What are you, you hiding a cat in there? I TOLD you no cats in the mansion!" Ciel yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him. "What the hell is hiding underneath there?"

Sebastian panicked and brought his other hand up to his hair to confirm the truth. His hair was a complete mess. He ran over to the mirror and whined at what he saw. He normally perfect black locks were in disarray, waving and harshly standing up where they shouldn't. He made small distressed noises while trying to smooth his hair down.

Ciel, forgotten in the corner, couldn't help but snicker at the butler. It might have been his only time seeing the butler short of his perfect appearance, aside from when he had been tortured in that filthy dungeon upon Ciel's orders. But that was more like Sebastian being all hot and roughed up, not being imperfect. Ciel had ordered him to endure just so he could see the man looking all sexy with his abs showing through his torn shirt and his pants just a bit lower than usual and whatnot, but he would never admit that. Ever.

Sebastian rapidly combed through his hair, grunting through clenched teeth when it just sprang up again after staying down for a mind-blowing total of three seconds. It was like a morning erection that wouldn't go away. Okay not really.

"Are you going for the Snooki look or something? You could hide a friggin chihuahua under that poof," Ciel teased, holding back his laughter. (Jersey Shore was his guilty pleasure TV show.)

"NO I am not hiding a cat or–god _forbid_–a dog under my hair!" Sebastian snapped before he caught sight of himself in the mirror again. His eyes began to water and his bottom lip quivered. He wanted to be handsome and perfect all the time. Sebastian did not have bad hair days. He was _Sebastian._ "Young Masterrrrrrrr..." He whined, turning to the boy.

"What? " Ciel raised his eyebrow at the butler's personality change. He couldn't help but soften his eyes at the sight of his tear-eyed butler.

"Stop teasing me or I'll make you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth." Sebastian suddenly reverted back to his original personality, confirming he had been faking his near-tears sadness.

Ciel's jaw dropped at the intense threat. He was struck silent in fear of drinking orange juice after brushing his teeth. Sebastian was indeed a demon. Said demon humphed triumphantly before leaving the room. He decided to take a shower to fix his hair. On his way back, however, he ran into Bard.

"Sebastian, your hair is all wonky," Bard stated, pointing his finger at the butler's hair. For a moment, Sebastian wondered why everyone in the mansion felt the need to point at him before preparing a comeback.

"Thank you, Bardroy, for pointing out the obvious." Sebastian proceeded to continue down he hall, but not before flipping Bard the birdie.

The cook stood incredulous at the fact that the head butler had just gave him the middle finger.

Sebastian passed Maylene further down the hall and before she had the chance to say anything, he gave her a glare that was more intense than a thousand flaming suns. Maylene's jaw was clammed shut in fear. Although the butler looked rather silly with such a fierce glare while sporting such messy hair, the maid knew better than to make a comment unless he wanted to face Sebastian's wrath.

Thankfully, Finnian was out in the garden destroying flowers so Sebastian didn't have to worry about him. He did, however, have to worry about Ciel trying to snap pictures of him before he fixed his hair.

Sebastian could only flop down on his bed in relief as he was finally away from everyone.

Or so he thought.

Ciel was cracking up while running away from the window, triumphantly strutting his ass because he had got the perfect shot of his butler having a bad hair day.

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LOLOLOL STRUT DAT ASS STRUT DAT ASS

Earl Grey tea. Get it, cuz Ciel's an Earl and he's all grey and stuff? Get it? Okay that was a horrible pun. Uh, I hope this story made you laugh because I sure did. XD


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